Sons of Empire!

An informative Pictograph concerning chiefly Warhammer 40,000's Legion of Illustrious Space Victorians! (Warning: Also contains divers depictions of Johnny Alien and criminal foreigners of varying sorts. Serious risk of fainting for ladies and the mentally infirm.)

Location: United Kingdom

Tuesday, November 14, 2006

He Got (Big) Game.

"Hullo. I’m Hadley Rickshaw, and I’d like to talk to you about nature. You’d have to be insane or some sort of heartless Prussian to deny the splendour and variety of the world around us, and these days, with interstellar travel and whatnot, Mother Nature’s fecundity lies wide open to any passing gentleman overcome by wanderlust.

"And what better way to enjoy nature than in the privacy of one’s drawing room, stuffed? Here, in this brief summary, I hope to introduce my readers to some of the galaxy’s most remarkable, and now rarest, creatures.

"First, the feller you see here. I caught him on the planet of Narapoor, late one evening. I had just stepped out of my house with a stout stick in my hand in order to discover where the devil the servant had gone with my G&T, when I caught sight of this fearsome beast stamping on the remnants of my man. Overcome by the beauty of such a majestic creature, I seized my rifle and tracked it through the bush without food or shelter for six days, stopping only to refresh myself with whisky ever half-hour. I am told that I was found nude and singing by its corpse some days later with my empty hip-flask on my head, obviously a victim of heatstroke.

"Next, we turn to the festering jungles of Upper Margani Province. One night, I was informed that a monster had gone on the rampage, killing scores of native aliens and, appallingly, bending one of His Imperial Majesty’s lamp-posts. I resolved to destroy the beast. To begin with, my shots rang off its armoured hide, and I realised more cunning tactics were required. I approached from the rear with a large thermos flask packed with explosive, and was able to thrust the charge home like a true vet. The being now serves the Empire as a coat-stand.

"One, final memoir. Last spring, on Verdigris, I managed to bag a fine dromaeosaur, and, having no bearers, was dragging the carcass back home when I heard the sound of vast creatures before me. I parted the bushes, and was able to take this small photograph before I dropped my load in shock.

"I believe it to show the native Eldar using enormous lizards as beasts of burden. An astonishing phenomenon, I’m sure you will agree. I shall report back with further news from the field presently: but until then, happy hunting."

Labels: , , ,